You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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