My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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