Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
