sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
