you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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