My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
