either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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