I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Duck Duck Cougar?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
