ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
