Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
