Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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