bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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