I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Found the puke drawer
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize