just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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