My nipple is on Facebook.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
