I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
