I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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