Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
