I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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