The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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