please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
