I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
