what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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