I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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