Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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