And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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