if i can run in heels then i can drive
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
