I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
