Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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