I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
