Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
