Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
