I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
