She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
