R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
