I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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