Pants 0. Shit 1.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
