New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
