I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We're too hungover to prance.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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