Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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