the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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