I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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