ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Randomize
