Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
being pregnant is like rehab
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
