im drinking this country out of the recession.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I will pee on everything he values.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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