Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
