This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
