He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
