How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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