People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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