I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
