He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
