I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
