i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
