I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
and you fell through a lawn chair
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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