I don't usually arrange sex via text message
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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