i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
