i'm signing you up for texting rehab
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Of course I have a pirate flag
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
