Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
