Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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