I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
