Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my being single is dangerous.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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