Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
