had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
