This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
