I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
