Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize