I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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