Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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