What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
