I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
