Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
