she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
