Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
