feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
