if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
