Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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