i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
