I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
