You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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