When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Text me some of your sweat
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
