McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
