yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
