Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
